Happiness

Ripped jacket with the stains on the surface.

He was the kid that everyone was happy they weren’t.

Sitting alone invisible to every passing person.

Wondering what it would feel like to have a purpose

He never had a childhood.

Forced to parent his own parents like no child should.

His father is a veteran drowning his memories with liquor

and his mother’s taking pills that doctors give her but they only make her sicker

with no sibling to walk through this stuff.

No ends, no money, no friends, no buddies, he’s ain’t talking enough.

He don’t put himself out there, he’s awkward too much.

But what you expect? Who in his life would he learn confidence from?

And he sits behind me in class.

One day I heard crying from the back.

Finally I turned around and I asked

what was wrong.

And the firs time I heard his voice,

he said “all I know is pain, if this is life, what’s the point?

Show me where happinesses is…

His voice gloomy he looked through me he said show me where happinesses is.

Desperateness on his face.

I didn’t know what to say.

I couldn’t think.

Show me where happinesses is.

He put his head down

and he didn’t make a sound.

Show me where happinesses is.

And I just froze

Like I don’t even know…

Perfect makeup even though she don’t need the extra touch.

She was the girl that every other girl was jealous of.

Silky hair, blue eyes, thin body with

curves, but her new clothes only cover parts of it.

She’s almost looked at like a goddess to all.

Attracts every pair of eyes when she walks through the hall.

But she’s likable too, she’s not the one to gossip.

Evident when you talk to her, she ain’t ever pompous.

Wealthy home filled with knowledge and newness.

She was the youngest out of 3 book smart students.

And her parents were so proud, pride was all around her.

But I always noticed something was a little off about her.

She sits in front of me in class.

One day I noticed heavy make up on her wrist when she passed papers back.

After class, I approached her and I asked about it.

She said it don’t mean I have it if I’m around it

Show me where happiness is…

I looked into her eyes

I saw her for the first time.

Show me where happiness is.

I saw regret

She walked away in a sec

Her voice rang through my head.

Show me where happiness is.

I watched her walk away

She became another face

What she say?

Show me where happiness is

And I just froze.

Like I don’t even know

I don’t know because I ask myself the same thing every single day.

But every single answer has been vague.

How come some appreciate the sun after the rain,

While others just see the puddles as if nothing has changed?

And as I watch people living the life I couldn’t take, I wonder if they see a way out to mentally.

And As I watch people who live the life I idolize, I wonder what they feel and what isn’t seen.

As I watch my whole family take pills for depression I wonder what true happiness really means.

I wonder if because I’m genetically predisposed to it, that is the reason I find myself feeling weak.

Only sometimes, in and out.

I guess it’s scarier when you don’t have a reason to be feeling down.

Sometimes I just am.

Sometimes I just feel no one will understand.

Sometimes I wanna cry. 

Sometimes I want to crush my family’s so-called medication look in their eyes

And tell them they don’t need it as long we just have each other.

But then sometimes I watch them suffer.

I just wonder where happiness is.

Show me where happiness is.

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